On the way to enlightenment there may be a few bumps along that road. When I find myself being reactive, I now try to step back and see why it happened. It is a fact that we live in this world and we are meant to react and respond to it; otherwise we are not participating in the glorious experience of being human. On the other hand, life seems to flow better when we lean more toward being responsive that reacting. So why can I sit and watch a ball game and not get involved emotionally while the person next to me is exploding at the seams? It’s about perspective. |
My perspective is that it’s just a game. His perspective is that the outcome is very important and will have a direct effect on his life. In in other words, I will react or respond when I think the event has something to do with me. And I am more likely to react when I think that the effect will be negative. But when you change you perspective, you change your response.
Here is a story:
A woman, we’ll call her Emma, had some friends who were going out of town. These friends had a relative who lived in a care facility. She’d had a stroke and could not communicate very well although she clearly knew the people who came to visit her. Emma casually said that she would be glad to drop by and visit the relative while the friends were out of town. The offer was made in the heat of a moment and Emma hadn’t really thought it all through.
When Emma did think it through, she realized that she was very uncomfortable going to see someone who had trouble communicating and worried about what she would do and how it would go and into the worry spiral she went. Days went by and she couldn’t make herself make the short trip. Every day she beat herself up for not going.
Finally, a couple of days before the couple was to return, Emma screwed up the courage to go visit this woman. She gathered up all the emails her friends and sent while on their trip thinking she could fill the time reading theses emails.
When Emma arrived, the woman was not in her room, but her roommate was. This roommate proceeded to give Emma a severe lecture about how she hadn’t shown up. Emma felt even smaller than before.
When the woman finally came back to her room, she was delighted to see Emma. The nurse was very happy to see Emma , too. Emma said that she’d brought the emails and the nurse said that they had also received them and and been reading them to the relative.
Emma sagged. “But,” said the nurse, “we haven’t gotten any for the last couple of days.”
Emma had those last emails messages with her, so she sat and read them to Kelly. The nurse and Kelly were thrilled to have these final emails. But she still felt small. She hadn’t fulfilled her promise and she called me so talk it out. After she wound down I asked her if she could see what she had really done. No, she couldn’t. Do you see it?
Emma showed up at exactly the right time with the right gift to offer: those email messages. No one else could have done that. I also reminded her that the relatives had told here the even if she only went once, it would be a great gift. When I told her this, Emma exclaimed that she never would have thought of that.
That conversation changed her perspective on the situation. I suspect that it took her a while to forgive herself for not living up to a standard she set for herself. But she did exactly what was needed: she went just once and that one time was when she had something to offer that no one else could give.
Is the glass half-full or half-empty? I know people who say the glass is full, half water and half air. I also know people who think the glass is half full because the manufacturer put little holes in the bottom of the glass so that you have to buy more glasses.
Are you looking at what you can do or can’t do? Well, all is not lost because once you figure out what you can’t do there is only one option left - and that’s what you can do.
So go do it.
Now.
Here is a story:
A woman, we’ll call her Emma, had some friends who were going out of town. These friends had a relative who lived in a care facility. She’d had a stroke and could not communicate very well although she clearly knew the people who came to visit her. Emma casually said that she would be glad to drop by and visit the relative while the friends were out of town. The offer was made in the heat of a moment and Emma hadn’t really thought it all through.
When Emma did think it through, she realized that she was very uncomfortable going to see someone who had trouble communicating and worried about what she would do and how it would go and into the worry spiral she went. Days went by and she couldn’t make herself make the short trip. Every day she beat herself up for not going.
Finally, a couple of days before the couple was to return, Emma screwed up the courage to go visit this woman. She gathered up all the emails her friends and sent while on their trip thinking she could fill the time reading theses emails.
When Emma arrived, the woman was not in her room, but her roommate was. This roommate proceeded to give Emma a severe lecture about how she hadn’t shown up. Emma felt even smaller than before.
When the woman finally came back to her room, she was delighted to see Emma. The nurse was very happy to see Emma , too. Emma said that she’d brought the emails and the nurse said that they had also received them and and been reading them to the relative.
Emma sagged. “But,” said the nurse, “we haven’t gotten any for the last couple of days.”
Emma had those last emails messages with her, so she sat and read them to Kelly. The nurse and Kelly were thrilled to have these final emails. But she still felt small. She hadn’t fulfilled her promise and she called me so talk it out. After she wound down I asked her if she could see what she had really done. No, she couldn’t. Do you see it?
Emma showed up at exactly the right time with the right gift to offer: those email messages. No one else could have done that. I also reminded her that the relatives had told here the even if she only went once, it would be a great gift. When I told her this, Emma exclaimed that she never would have thought of that.
That conversation changed her perspective on the situation. I suspect that it took her a while to forgive herself for not living up to a standard she set for herself. But she did exactly what was needed: she went just once and that one time was when she had something to offer that no one else could give.
Is the glass half-full or half-empty? I know people who say the glass is full, half water and half air. I also know people who think the glass is half full because the manufacturer put little holes in the bottom of the glass so that you have to buy more glasses.
Are you looking at what you can do or can’t do? Well, all is not lost because once you figure out what you can’t do there is only one option left - and that’s what you can do.
So go do it.
Now.