Jake is a thirteen year-old orange cat and he is dying. He has a terminal illness and my husband and I decided that putting a cat of his age through chemotherapy would be for us, not him. In fact, with each decision we always say that extreme measures would be for us not him.
Still, the other night, I found myself trying to force my will upon this guy. He was balking at eating the treat that concealed his medicine. We both ended up upset and angry. He crawled under the bed and I cried into my husband’s shoulder. After a couple of hours, having calmed myself and realizing that if Jake refused the medication, there was nothing I could do about it, I tried again. Jake just scarfed it right down.
Still, the other night, I found myself trying to force my will upon this guy. He was balking at eating the treat that concealed his medicine. We both ended up upset and angry. He crawled under the bed and I cried into my husband’s shoulder. After a couple of hours, having calmed myself and realizing that if Jake refused the medication, there was nothing I could do about it, I tried again. Jake just scarfed it right down.
This journey with Jake is giving me a whole new perspective in letting go. Though some this is certainly about having to let go of one of the best cats I have ever known, it is a deeper lesson in letting go in everyday life. As I offer him food, I make myself walk away, to let him decide if he wants to eat. If he doesn’t want to be petted, I have to acknowledge that it isn’t personal, he just wants to be left alone. He doesn’t feel good and he deserves to deal with that the way he needs to. So now when he does come into a room to spend time, I feel honored. When he gobbles down a bowl of food, I feel joy. When I see that he can still jump up on the file cabinet to gaze out the window, I feel encouraged that he is still interested in life. One day, he will no longer show that interest, and we will have to let him go, and by then I hope I will have learned what he is teaching me.
Walking this path with Jake, has gotten me to thinking about how we humans continually interfere with each other. Think about how we tell each other what to eat, where to go, what friends to have, where to vacation, how to do the dishes, laundry, whatever. This “guidance” and control is incessant. We do it in the name of wanting the best for the other person, but we really do it to make ourselves feel better. To feel safe. To feel like the “good guy” because we have saved our friend from streaky dishes or from eating that one last chocolate chip cookie. (Yes, the one we wanted.)
The irony is that at the same time this incessant bossiness is incessantly happening, there has been a surge in interest in learning how to let go. Let Go and Let God. Release the Past. How-to-Let-Go-of-the-One-Who-Betrayed-You in three easy lessons. The programs and books are useful, to be sure. But it seems to me that if I can’t step back and allow my cat his dignity, if I feel I have to police the condition of my husband’s underwear, or tell him how to do the dishes, how will I ever be able to release anything else.
As long as the focus is on the outer and the other, as long as we try to ignore our own interior landscapes, we will continue to be caught up in the drama of trying to control the world. What this world needs right now is not more external control. What it needs, what we all need, is for each of us take ourselves in hand to heal from the inside out. Once we become more comfortable with our Selves, we might be able to let each other be.
True release is not an easy path, we are too used to navigating for other people. But it can be done. I am living it right now. And no, the irony that a cat being, not a human being, came as my master teacher is not lost on me.
Affirmative Considerations:
Your actions are about you, not me.
My actions and responses are about me, not you.
I am responsible for my Self and my own actions.
I release you to your highest good.
Walking this path with Jake, has gotten me to thinking about how we humans continually interfere with each other. Think about how we tell each other what to eat, where to go, what friends to have, where to vacation, how to do the dishes, laundry, whatever. This “guidance” and control is incessant. We do it in the name of wanting the best for the other person, but we really do it to make ourselves feel better. To feel safe. To feel like the “good guy” because we have saved our friend from streaky dishes or from eating that one last chocolate chip cookie. (Yes, the one we wanted.)
The irony is that at the same time this incessant bossiness is incessantly happening, there has been a surge in interest in learning how to let go. Let Go and Let God. Release the Past. How-to-Let-Go-of-the-One-Who-Betrayed-You in three easy lessons. The programs and books are useful, to be sure. But it seems to me that if I can’t step back and allow my cat his dignity, if I feel I have to police the condition of my husband’s underwear, or tell him how to do the dishes, how will I ever be able to release anything else.
As long as the focus is on the outer and the other, as long as we try to ignore our own interior landscapes, we will continue to be caught up in the drama of trying to control the world. What this world needs right now is not more external control. What it needs, what we all need, is for each of us take ourselves in hand to heal from the inside out. Once we become more comfortable with our Selves, we might be able to let each other be.
True release is not an easy path, we are too used to navigating for other people. But it can be done. I am living it right now. And no, the irony that a cat being, not a human being, came as my master teacher is not lost on me.
Affirmative Considerations:
Your actions are about you, not me.
My actions and responses are about me, not you.
I am responsible for my Self and my own actions.
I release you to your highest good.