Last Fall, I was running the Phillips Kitty Hospice; both of my cats, Jake and Jasper, were terminally ill and I was given the opportunity to examine the process of Letting Go on several levels. Jake, taught me about coming to terms with the idea that he would die within the next few months (it was days). Not only did he teach me to let go of my need to control his process, I got to look at how I tried to control my own process of grieving. I also got to observe and experience first hand, how animals grieve, as well. |
Jasper taught me that animals most definitely have emotional attachments and they grieve deeply when a bonded companion dies. Jasper was in ill health, as well, and after Jake died, he declined rapidly. But watching him grieve was the heartbreaking part. Jasper meowed and meowed. He searched for Jake everywhere. He would look at me in the most pleading way. We knew we would have to let Jasper go soon, as well. On Thanksgiving Day, this little gray cat meowed and paced and complained. We knew it was time to call the vet. Forty-three days after we euthanized Jake, we sent Jasper over the Rainbow Bridge. As the vet carried Jasper’s body away I had a vision of the two cats walking away, tails held high, and I very clearly heard the words “Thank you.”
Both passings were difficult, but watching Jake and Jasper in their last days taught me that letting go can be a really good thing. We probably kept both cats here longer than was optimal for them, but our hearts didn’t want to see them go. There were a special pair, those guys. I also know that letting them go was the highest and best for all of us.
In talking about letting go, we tend to talk about what it is, how to do it but sometimes I think it is helpful to talk about what something is not. Talking about the “not” helps to counter all those mental objections that run under the surface of our consciousness. It takes away our excuses.
Letting go is not erasing something from your life or thoughts. It is not stuffing your feelings deep inside. It is not plugging up your ears and singing “LA, LA, LA, LA at the top of your lungs. It is not denial in the sense of pretending that it never happened. Letting go or releasing is not even about “getting over it.”
Letting go or releasing means coming to terms with circumstances in life and making the decision not to carry the negativity and drama forward. This is not to say that whoever feelings come up at the time are not valid and real. They are completely valid and real—but you don’t have to live inside those feelings for the rest of your life and you don’t have to let those feelings run you all the time.
Put in writing like this, it sounds simple. Just sit down and decide that the nasty divorce isn’t going to run you, or make a vow to look past your boss’s unrealistic expectations, do the best you can, and not let it bother you. That initial decision is simple. It’s in the doing that one gets tripped up. So how does letting go and moving on work?
The first step is to acknowledge the circumstance. (Keep in mind that there is a huge difference between accepting and acknowledging.) The second step is to allow yourself your natural emotional response to the circumstance; this is natural and healthy. But it should be more like a cleansing so that you can move into the quiet of your mind to discover solutions. At this point, the circumstance is again acknowledged and two questions are asked: “Now What?” and “What is the gift in this circumstance?
The NowWhat and WhatGift questions can take you a long way in moving forward in any situation. It does not mean that the circumstance will evaporate, or that past events will dissolve, but your emotional attachment can dissolve. It can be transmuted into an understanding and gratitude for the lessons learned and the gifts received. Obviously, some situations seem more dire than others, and there are experiences that can create very deep wounds; rarely will that be resolved in an instant. But with steady attention to the process, it is possible to pry one’s fingers off and let go.
Keep in mind that, for some reason, we seem to like to go back over these hurts and wounds like worrying a sore tooth. But with focus and desire, you can change your perception of any give situation. And that is what Letting Go really is—it is changing your perception of the people, places, and things in your life that have caused you distress. There is always a gift or blessing in every circumstance in life—that gift is not always obvious and it make not appear for years, but it is always there.
So if you are looking for a place to start, work on changing your perspective by looking for any possible good or gift that can come out of a circumstance. It is a good way to distract your mind from focusing on the negative. And that in itself is a gift.
Both passings were difficult, but watching Jake and Jasper in their last days taught me that letting go can be a really good thing. We probably kept both cats here longer than was optimal for them, but our hearts didn’t want to see them go. There were a special pair, those guys. I also know that letting them go was the highest and best for all of us.
In talking about letting go, we tend to talk about what it is, how to do it but sometimes I think it is helpful to talk about what something is not. Talking about the “not” helps to counter all those mental objections that run under the surface of our consciousness. It takes away our excuses.
Letting go is not erasing something from your life or thoughts. It is not stuffing your feelings deep inside. It is not plugging up your ears and singing “LA, LA, LA, LA at the top of your lungs. It is not denial in the sense of pretending that it never happened. Letting go or releasing is not even about “getting over it.”
Letting go or releasing means coming to terms with circumstances in life and making the decision not to carry the negativity and drama forward. This is not to say that whoever feelings come up at the time are not valid and real. They are completely valid and real—but you don’t have to live inside those feelings for the rest of your life and you don’t have to let those feelings run you all the time.
Put in writing like this, it sounds simple. Just sit down and decide that the nasty divorce isn’t going to run you, or make a vow to look past your boss’s unrealistic expectations, do the best you can, and not let it bother you. That initial decision is simple. It’s in the doing that one gets tripped up. So how does letting go and moving on work?
The first step is to acknowledge the circumstance. (Keep in mind that there is a huge difference between accepting and acknowledging.) The second step is to allow yourself your natural emotional response to the circumstance; this is natural and healthy. But it should be more like a cleansing so that you can move into the quiet of your mind to discover solutions. At this point, the circumstance is again acknowledged and two questions are asked: “Now What?” and “What is the gift in this circumstance?
The NowWhat and WhatGift questions can take you a long way in moving forward in any situation. It does not mean that the circumstance will evaporate, or that past events will dissolve, but your emotional attachment can dissolve. It can be transmuted into an understanding and gratitude for the lessons learned and the gifts received. Obviously, some situations seem more dire than others, and there are experiences that can create very deep wounds; rarely will that be resolved in an instant. But with steady attention to the process, it is possible to pry one’s fingers off and let go.
Keep in mind that, for some reason, we seem to like to go back over these hurts and wounds like worrying a sore tooth. But with focus and desire, you can change your perception of any give situation. And that is what Letting Go really is—it is changing your perception of the people, places, and things in your life that have caused you distress. There is always a gift or blessing in every circumstance in life—that gift is not always obvious and it make not appear for years, but it is always there.
So if you are looking for a place to start, work on changing your perspective by looking for any possible good or gift that can come out of a circumstance. It is a good way to distract your mind from focusing on the negative. And that in itself is a gift.